Renée walked with Charlie out of the hospital, leaving Alice and I alone together.

Let's go see Bella.

Without answering her, I rose, walking quicker than human speed towards the room. Whenever Charlie wasn't taking up all of Bella's coma time, I was there, by her side. When I got the chance, I was holding her. Renée had stayed the night, and was planning on doing it again - something I wasn't terribly excited about.

When we reached the door I opened it and was instantly hit with a spectacular scent wafting through the room. Each breath was full of fire which was also full of her life. I ignored the burning, pushed it in the back of my mind.

There was a newspaper on her bedside table. I picked it up to the page that was left open. It was a story that covered the arson of a ballet studio and theft of a car that was left outside. Anger pulsed through me at the thought of James again, though I pushed it aside because another angry thought hit me. I wished that Renée hadn't known about this, because now she was too afraid to stay in her own home.

My continuance of emotions ached for some kind of physical outlet, and yet the only outlet I had was now gone, dead.

Not today...Alice murmured. She's not ready.

My hopes plummeted at this news. She continued to watch the future which spun, twisted and became mangled again.

I wish...

"This is obviously not the time to bring that up," I barked.

I was just going to say I wish she'd wake up soon, Alice's eyes were wide with innocence, and I didn't believe it for a second.

Looking at her eyes, I saw the reflection of my own eyes which were an odd brown, muddy color. Momentarily it caught me off guard, forgetting I was wearing the contacts, even though they continued to obstruct my perfect vision.

I stole my eyes away from her to bring them back to Bella's limp and lumpy form. Her eyes were closed lightly, as if she were very peaceful. Her hair glinted in the bright white light over her face. My remorse and the guilt burned with the thirst, and, if I had the ability to produce tears, they would have filled my eyes. Each second that I continued to count reminded me of the precious soul lying in the bed before us. She was so breakable, and I broke her, she was good and she didn't deserve my fate. My mind was bouncing around like a tennis ball, willing myself to stay away from her, to no longer let my life collide with hers...destroying it in the process.

What have I done? As the hour passed my mind continually would titter on a line of right and wrong. First, my thoughts leaning one way, then the other. Alice was becoming irritated at my constant state of vivid flashes of the future which would crumble every time I changed my mind. Then, when I didn't think the burning could get worse, I imagined her waking up and kicking me out of her room. I had to remind myself that she had every right to hate me, to not trust me with her safety. That she should.

Would you quit! Alice shouted from mind. You aren't going anywhere. I won't let you. Remember, you did save her life.

Her thoughts were confusing and incomprehensible. Did I not place Bella in front of the danger that lurked around her until it struck? Wasn't this all my fault in the first place? Quickly, I decided that the best course of action was to ignore her thoughts.

After an hour had passed Renée entered the room, her mind happily jumping from subject to subject. What books she liked, her favorite movies, how she painted Bella's new room in Florida. Each second, I counted...I angered even more...mostly at myself. I tried ignoring Bella once, letting her go and it didn't work. I remember thinking that there were other options besides her ultimate doom. Now that I am sitting at her bedside, where she was on the brink of death nearly twenty four hours ago, I realized that keeping her in the fragile state would inevitably destroy her.

I had to leave. Not now, but after she recovered. I did this, I have to clean it up. I won't leave her here, broken, without help.

I've had it! Alice stood up. "Renée, I'm sorry, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow."

So soon? Renée stared at me. But he's not good company. "I understand, dear. See you tomorrow."

Surely it had to be miserable being around me, but if they understood my frustrations, my ever growing war that was raging inside me, then they would leave me alone. I argued with myself as the evening hours progressed, afraid my less noble side would win the argument. To add to my ever growing torments, the silence emitting from Bella was torturing me. Night after night I watched over her, and she spoke, tossed, turned, and murmured some more. Not last night...and not tonight.

The mystery that surrounded Bella continued to make my curiosity flare. The lure of her unprotected and unconsciously spoken thoughts were making me sick with regret. I should have stayed away and then tonight would have been like any other night when I went to visit her. I missed her murmurs, her spoken dreams and fears.

The only sound from Bella was her light breathing, which had a little rattle from her bruised ribs and her steady heart beat. I shook my head in disgust at what I had done to her. Though she was bruised and tubes and wiring seemed to be coming from her every orifice, she was still beautiful. Her dark hair was tangled wildly around her pale face.

As the night progressed into the early morning hours, Renée never kicked me out. Instead she slept resolutely with Bella's hand in hers. Jealousy raged inside me at her touch. I wanted it to be me holding her hand, lying with her, comforting her. It was foolishness to think that we belonged together, even though I could never imagine myself without her, or with anyone else. She deserved happiness and love with whomever she chose, yet she chose me...the cold inhuman creature that almost brought her to her death.

Could a dead frozen heart break? I felt like mine was.

In an instant, a memory flooded my troubled mind, making my mind teeter in yet another direction. That first evening I became the peeping tom...Bella, she was dreaming of me, mumbling my name.

"Stay," she sighed. "Don't go. Please...don't go."

That was the night she changed me, the rare and permanent thing that you could never give back. It was love, and no matter how many years pass, hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands, I would forever love this one girl.

I gazed at her unconscious face, reminding myself of the love that had settled into every portion of my stone body that night. If I loved her though, then I was strong enough to leave her because that is what would be best. Loving her would not keep me from killing her, if I let myself make mistakes, like I did this week, she could be killed. Though, it would not be intentional, only a horrible accident. Obviously, I am capable of making mistakes. In only an half hour of speaking with her for the first time I slipped up twice.

Deliberately, I took in a deep breath, letting her scent rip through me like wildfire. With each breath, I let it remind myself of the monster that was living deep inside me. Though he was gone, missing right now, I knew he was still there, sending waves of fire through my throat.

Renée was sleeping soundly now, dreaming about a horseback riding class she had that was a little bizarre. Still, I continued to count the seconds as the sun rose over the mountainous horizon. I closed the vertical blinds so my skin wouldn't sparkle. Again, I felt my contacts disintegrate and had to replace them. In the bathroom, my eyes still were bright red with Bella's blood. Another reminder of the damage I inflicted upon her by being with her.

I felt my pocket vibrate and reached in to grab my phone. It was nine in the morning. It had now almost been two days of a still, unmoving beauty lying in this bed, comatose. I read the message.

Bella will awake at 913. Thought I'd give you the heads up so you could wake Renée so she could get her breakfast. It will give you time to be alone with Bella.

A great relief spread over me at this news. The seconds I would no longer have to count because she would be awake, talking to me. Purposefully, I dropped my phone, the sound vibrated off the walls in the tiny room. Renée jumped to her feet.

"What's going on? Where's Grace?" she mumbled, her face bewildered.

I had to suppress a laugh. "Grace?" I asked.

"Dream," she muttered. That horse scares the living fire out of me!

Again, my giddy state was hard to control. My lips twitched on the edges at the thought of her waking.

"They are serving breakfast," I offered.

Oh course, he wants time alone with her. "Yes, breakfast sounds nice."

Renée left with one last glance over her shoulder before shutting the door.

Curling up onto Bella's bed, I held her hand while watching the clock. The seconds were going by slower. The last minute before her awakening seemed to take twice...no three times as long. Each second that ticked by had my thoughts scattering in every direction. Now that I knew she would be awake soon, the thought of leaving her was inconceivable. I would always love this fragile human girl for the rest of my limitless existence. I gazed at her unconscious face, feeling this love for her settle into every portion of my cold steel body. If I wasn't strong enough to leave her maybe I was strong enough to construct a new future.

She moaned while her eyes fluttered.

Could a dead, frozen heart beat again? It felt like mine was about to.

27. Deadlock

Warm, sweeping, glorious, relief, the most powerful emotion that had hit me in days, more forceful than my anger, my agony...my pain, rushed over me. This emotion was so full of an alleviation and ease that all of the anguish and distress was leaving my body as I saw the emotions in Bella's eyes again. At the sight, I realized that I never truly appreciated her beauty. My eyes looked up as I silently prayed to whatever entity that kept her alive, letting them know how devoutly thankful I truly am. Looking back at her, the deep depths, the windows to her soul, continued to move in quick irregular motions as she reached up to pull the oxygen tube from her nose.

"No, you don't." I reached over to stop her hand.

My chin was resting only inches from her face when her eyes finally met mine. She was disorientated.

"Edward?" Her voice was hoarse, drained, like she was fatally wounded. A tiny pucker formed between her brows. She tried to focus on my face. "Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry!"

She was sorry? What did she need to be sorry for?

"Shhhh." I attempted to stop her insanity. "Everything's all right now." I tried to speak bracing words of comfort. She needn't be so anxious with her frail body being in such a broken state.

"What happened?" Her words were slurred slightly, almost like she was drunk.

Memories of the events that happened that fateful morning, which brought her to this place, rushed across my mind. My stomach bubbled with a sickening acid.

"I was almost too late. I could have been too late," I whispered, torment lacing each syllable.

"I was so stupid, Edward. I thought he had my mom."

Of course, she would try to put the blame on herself.

"He tricked us all," I said, trying to ease her mind. She really should be resting.

"I need to call Charlie and my mom," worry was present in her eyes...always worried about someone else, anyone else, but herself.

"Alice called them. Renée is here -- well, here in the hospital. She's getting something to eat right now."

"She's here?" She tried to sit up, her body swaying slightly. I couldn't let her hurt herself anymore so I lightly pushed her back down onto the pillows.

"She'll be back soon," I promised. "And you need to stay still."

"But what did you tell her?" Her voice was panicked. "Why did you tell her I'm here?" Even in her drugged stupor, she was still trying to protect our secret. Without effort, my love radiated out of me along with the agony that rippled through me at the thought of what actually happened just those two days ago.

"You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window." You were tortured by a vicious vampire and I was nearly too late. "You have to admit, it could happen." I tried to lighten the mood with this small joke.

She sighed at my bad humor and I could see her wince slightly at the pain it caused. Her eyes finally left mine to roam over her broken and mangled body.

"How bad am I?" She asked, curious.

This time I sighed. The damage was extensive.

"You have a broken leg, four broken ribs, some cracks in your skull, bruises covering every inch of your skin, and you've lost a lot of blood. They gave you a few transfusions. I didn't like it -- it made you smell all wrong for a while." I took in a deep breath at the luxurious scent that now filled the small room, letting it sting my throat with the pleasurable burning sensation.

"That must have been a nice change for you," she half smiled.

She had it all wrong though. To imagine her without the palatable scent was almost unbearable, like I had drank all the goodness from her body and it was being replaced by some cheap imitation.

"No, I like how you smell."

"How did you do it?" Her voice was strained. I knew what she was asking.

Many memories stirred from that horrible morning. Blood was coming out of her in torrents, flooding the floor. The blood...how did I stop? I remembered the pleasure and the pain that consumed my body at just the mere thought of her warm blood in my mouth, my burning throat with the accompanied obsessive longing finally being quenched. The thought tore at every nerve in my body. The disgust I felt didn't stop me though; I still brought her wrist to my mouth and drank from her. Even when she yanked around in my grasp, thrusting against my hold, screaming, I didn't let go. I didn't even know how I did it.

"I'm not sure," there was the tiniest quiver in my voice.

Gently, I lifted her hand which was wrapped in white gauze, examining it carefully. Along with the ache that seared deep inside me, there was this new indication of what I was. A monster. A creature that should have no part in this angel's life.

Lightly caressing her hand I shivered at this sick souvenir that would always be on her wrist which made my dead heart shatter. The wires that connected her to all the monitors were just another vivid reminder on top of everything else at how fragile and breakable she was. Each passing second felt like borrowed time.

I sighed. "It was impossible... to stop," my voice was low, a whisper. But I did stop; I was able to keep her alive. "Impossible. But I did." My eyes met hers, a smile creeping up my face; a great rush of affection washing over me. "I must love you."

"Don't I taste as good as I smell?" She returned my smile.

The satisfaction...the gratifyingly warm blood in my mouth - it was beyond delicious. It coursed through my body, sweeter than life.

"Even better -- better than I'd imagined."

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

She was...sorry? Again, what was with the apologies? If it wasn't for my stupidity in the first place she wouldn't have even been in the situation to have her blood sucked by me, of all creatures. I looked up to the ceiling in exasperation before returning my gaze to her.

"Of all the things to apologize for."

"What should I apologize for?"

For a moment I was lost in desperate speculation, thoughts consuming my mind momentarily. Only one thing came to mind. "For very nearly taking yourself away from me forever."

If her life had ended that day...I shuddered...I too, would have died.

"I'm sorry," she apologized again.

"I know why you did it. It was still irrational, of course. You should have waited for me, you should have told me."

At this, I realized maybe she didn't trust me as much as I thought. She shouldn't trust me. Because of me, she was here in this hospital bed, for several days, fighting to regain consciousness.

"You wouldn't have let me go," she explained, like I should have known this.

"No," I replied in a stern tone. "I wouldn't."

She shuddered and then slightly winced. My eyes roamed over her to find the culprit of her obvious pain, my nerves being pulled tighter at her discomfort.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I pleaded

She ignored me, wanting more answers.

"What happened to James?"

James, I growled internally; the enemy being brought to the forefront of my mind.

"After I pulled him off you, Emmett and Jasper took care of him," I said with clenched teeth.

Bella needed me, I knew that, but regardless, jealousy still rippled through me at the thought that it wasn't me who got to pull him apart - it wasn't me who burned him.

Her eyebrow furrowed. "I didn't see Emmett and Jasper there."

"They had to leave the room... there was a lot of blood."

Everyone's actions that night caught me off guard; all of them behaving like there was not a single drop of blood spilled in the building. Luckily, we all have no need for oxygen.

"But you stayed," she stated with a deep fervor, her face smoothing.

"Yes, I stayed."

Obviously, I stayed. She needed me...she would have died. Preventing that was most important.

"And Alice, and Carlisle..." she said in conjecture.

Of course they stayed, too. They consider her part of our family.

"They love you, too, you know."

"Did Alice see the tape?" She asked anxiously.

"Yes," I gritted my teeth. I remembered watching the tape through Alice's mind, the things he did to Bella - the way he taunted me on the video.

"She was always in the dark, that's why she didn't remember," Bella explained, distracting me.

I nodded. "I know. She understands now," I said darkly.

That was all James did; hurt people and their families, only leaving reminders of his presence.

Bella's hand came up to reach for my face, but the IV stopped her from moving far.

"Ugh." She winced.

My head came up from her pillow, concerned. "What is it?" I asked anxiously, the image of James still in my view - anger still coursing through me.

"Needles," she explained, looking up like she was going to be sick.

She took several deep breaths. Instantly, the anger left my body as humor replaced it. The absurdity of it all - she was beaten by a vampire, yet this...needle, of all things, makes her sick.

"Afraid of a needle," I muttered under my breath, shaking my head. "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand..."

She rolled her eyes.

"Why are you here?" She asked.

Instantly, I felt a chill in my stomach. I just stared at her, surveying her face, confusion sweeping over me. Then, it hit me. Maybe she didn't want me here, which is understandable, but it still made my heart ache, my body shriveled in pain. My eyebrows pulled together as a frown replaced my previous amusement.

"Do you want me to leave?" An obvious grimace appearing on my face.

"No!" She protested as loudly as she could. "No, I meant, why does my mother think you're here? I need to have my story straight before she gets back."

"Oh," I breathed, once again, relief burst through me; understanding replacing confusion. She still wants me here! Happiness swelled inside me like a balloon. "I came to Phoenix to talk some sense into you, to convince you to come back to Forks." I fixed my face, like I was trying to convince her myself, proving this lie was convincing. "You agreed to see me, and you drove out to the hotel where I was staying with Carlisle and Alice -- of course I was here with parental supervision," I infused innocently, "but you tripped on the stairs on the way to my room and... well, you know the rest. You don't need to remember any details, though; you have a good excuse to be a little muddled about the finer points."

Looking into her eyes I could see her mental processes whirling around before she spoke.

"There are a few flaws with that story. Like no broken windows," she said matter-of-factly.

"Not really," I chuckled lightly under my breath. "Alice had a little bit too much fun fabricating evidence. It's all been taken care of very convincingly -- you could probably sue the hotel if you wanted to. You have nothing to worry about," I assured her, caressing her cheek with the lightest of touches, letting her warmth envelope me. "Your only job now is to heal," I ordered.